What They're All Really Thinking
by Dustwind
Summary: Did you ever wonder what goes inside the heads of our favorite FMA characters? Come, let us explore their devious little minds! PG-13 for language and shonen ai.
1. Roy's Diary

A/N: So this is one of those ideas that hits you at 3 a.m., and you can't get up and write it because you're roommates would pull a Hawkeye and shoot you in the head for turning everything on and typing at that hour, and it bugs you and BUGS YOU until you just write the stupid thing the next day! I don't usually write such run-ons, I PROMISE! There are going to be more where this comes from, but I will need some ideas eventually, so it's up to you! You want more, please review.

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA . . . and I think Spades 44 and fireun own the Havoc/Fury pairing.

Warnings: Implied shonen-ai, general OOC-ness, and lack of plot. No spoilers, though.

Monday

Dear Diary,

So, the annual psychological exam for all the military personnel didn't go so well. Apparently I'm an extremely dangerous pyro with an unnatural fixation on miniskirts, which is really a result of repressed gender confusion and stress. Now I have to keep a girly diary in order to, "have a healthy and cathartic outlet for the pent up emotions" leading to my "neurosis."

Should've known something like this would happen when they sent Armstrong in to do the exam. Apparently the ability to psychoanalyze people is an ability passed down for generations in the Armstrong family.

Well, I for one was NOT happy to be picking little pink sparkles out of my coffee for two hours after our little "chat." Who is he kidding anyway? No one is that much of a poser without having a little gender confusion himself. Decided not to bring this up during our talk as delving into the secret mind of "Sparkles" Armstrong is not my idea of a good time.

Would rather be thinking of what a certain blonde haired underling of mine looks like in a miniskirt.

Bet you'd like to know which blonde haired underling I'm referring to, wouldn't you? Ha.

Roy Mustang

Tuesday

Dear Diary,

Hawkeye keeps slipping anonymous love letters into the crazy-mad-tall stacks of paperwork she brings me every morning. Now I guess we know why she obsesses over their "urgency" so much. She thinks I don't know it's her, but I caught her in her office yesterday writing Riza loves Roy all over her diary during lunch.

And here I thought she'd been working overtime to advance my prospects of becoming Fuhrer. May have to issue a reprimand as such behavior is glaringly unprofessional, not to mention scary and obsessive. Not that I can blame her; I must admit I am quite studly.

Roy Mustang

Wednesday

Dear Diary,

Who's been trying on the miniskirt prototypes I keep in my desk? All the waistbands are stretched out. Geez. I get no respect around here.

Especially from Fullmetal. He stomped in here at 10:30 this morning with his latest mission report and proceeded to ruin the perfectly lovely hour of short comments and hair pulling that followed when he transmuted my desk into a pile of fish sticks. He said it was payback for magnetizing Al and rolling him all over the floor to get all the lost pins out of the carpet from where they'd fallen off the miniskirt prototypes when somebody tried them on.

Clearly, he was overreacting.

Good thing I moved the prototypes to the hall closet before he got here this morning, the desk just isn't a safe place anymore.

On the plus side, all that nasty paperwork and confessions of the anonymous Hawkeye's undying love are now rather tasty microwaveable treats.

Roy Mustang

Thursday

Dear Diary,

Prime suspect in miniskirt capers—Havoc. Caught him checking himself out in full-length locker room mirror asking himself if his uniform made him look fat and grumbling that the pants didn't show off his shapely legs for a certain "dark haired military officer."

Would have been rather alarmed if I didn't already know he's got a thing for Fury. Decided to take matters into my own hands and lock them both in the hall closet with the miniskirts. Shouted through door that if they want to be let out any time soon, they'd better get their acts together and realize that they're both madly attracted to one another.

Only later was I able to appreciate the irony of the situation. Havoc and Fury are both locked in the closet. To get out of the closet, they have to…come out of the closet. I am such a genius! This is why I'll make a great Fuhrer.

Oh my, was that a giggle?

Roy Mustang

Friday

Dear Diary,

Hawkeye's all ancy because she can't find Havoc and Fury and they're behind on their paperwork. I told her not to worry, they were probably just, ah, buying more pens or something, but had to run away when she tried to glomp me and tell me how wonderful and strong I am in times of crisis. Like I don't already know you crazy woman! Had to resist urge to send flaming fireballs her way from the relative safety of my office. Decided that suspicious fiery death of underlings would not look good when trying to be Fuhrer. Oh the sacrifices I make for duty!

I wonder what she'll do when she finds out I locked Black Hayate in the basement. He'd been sniffing around Havoc and Fury's closet; I couldn't let him lead her right to them! They haven't admitted the truth yet! I wish they'd hurry up though, I can't work on the mini-skirt designs if i CAN'T UNLOCK THE DOOR!

As if that wasn't bad enough, I had to put up with one of Maes' phone calls about Alicia. "She beat up a kid in pre-school all by herself today! The teachers wrote her up for it, but she told me he'd been stealing lunch money from the littler ones this whole week, so I told the teachers where they could stick that! In fact, the other kids were so grateful, they gave her all their money as thanks. Isn't she a great judge of character?"

Decided not to tell Maes he was being outsmarted by a three-year old con-artist as did not want to face Alicia's wrath. Hey, you gotta choose your battles.

Roy Mustang

Fin

_Next up will be…hmmm…I think a little Edward Elric! Don't like it? Laughed until you cried? Want to know what kind of crack I'm on to write this? Let me know!_

_Flames will be used to heat the water in my dorm, which is currently 32.00001 degrees F._


	2. Ed's Diary

_A/N: Yea! Chapter 2! Everybody rejoices! Except for maybe Ed. _

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA, much to my chagrin and the rejoicing of the anime community at large.

Warnings: Ed's characteristic swearing, blatant Roy/Ed undertones I didn't even try to hide…

Monday

Dear Diary,

My name is Edward Elric. I am six feet tall. I am. Really. When you hold my braid above my head…

Yeah, so Sparkles Armstrong pranced into the dorm this morning at 6:00AM, all sparkles and shirtless-ness and told me I had to take a psychological exam. I told him to analyze the fact that I have an extreme aversion to hulking, mostly bald men who come into my room at ungodly hours of the morning after I get back from a mission in the middle of the night to ask me stupid questions about my damn emotional state that aren't any of his damn business ANYWAY!

I would have gone on, but I had to stop to breathe while Sparkles took the opportunity to ask me how I _feel _when that happens. I tried to demonstrate, but he wouldn't let me stab him in the eye.

So now I have to keep a diary.

Hence, the reason I am writing.

He told me to talk about my "height complex," and then, if I'm not too busy, to discuss my feelings of revulsion toward milk and how my refusal to drink calcium rises from a subconscious fear of growing and thus having no reason to be angry at a certain Flame Alchemist for his insulting size comments. I would then, of course, be compelled to face my "true feelings" toward said alchemist.

There is no reply to that.

I'm going to go doodle on my mission report.

I actually need to write my mission report.

Ow! I just got a sparkle in my eye!

The Great Edward Elric

Tuesday

Dear Diary,

Perfectly lovely morning involving sleep and dreams of Sparky (a.k.a. Stupid Roy Mustang) tied down and moaning before me interrupted when…

Wait.

I HAD A DREAM ABOUT ROY MUSTANG TIED DOWN AND MOANING BEFORE ME!

Oh I know! I must have been torturing him! Yeah… that's it! Huh, wish I remembered the part of the dream where I actually tortured him…heh.

Okay, where was I? Oh yeah.

Was enjoying wonderful dream when Al suddenly came back from his "special mission" in Sparky's office and immediately caused all metal objects in the room (including ME) to fly off the floor or walls or shelves (or BED) and stick to his armor.

I knew immediately that Mustang was at fault. Not sure how, but he is.

Was still struggling to escape from an extremely magnetized Al when Havoc dropped by to see what all the racket was and found Al and me in a VERY compromising position on the floor and wandered off muttering something about not wanting to ask and how exactly we could do anything when Al's a giant suit of armor…

Ew! He's my BROTHER! You sicko!

Besides, even if Al WASN'T a giant suit of armor AND my brother (which he IS) I don't go for the blondish types. I like 'em darker and mysterious.

I'd better go write that mission report for tomorrow.

Wonder why that made me think of my mission report…

The Indomitable Edward Elric

Wednesday

Dear Diary,

Number of times Sparky called me short: 31

Number of times Sparky implied I am short: 19

Number of times Sparky pulled my hair: 12

…

Pulled my hair?

Why is Sparky all touchy-feely all of a sudden? I mean he's never pulled my hair before. It was really distracting. I almost forgot to pay him back for the incident with Al.

It was then that I realized allowing Sparky to pull my hair put us very close together. This allowed me to cause much more damage to his person and desk than usual. Result of desk/fish sticks transfiguration was most satisfactory.

Sparky: 52

Me: 1

Ha! I'm catching up

Have decided that may have to allow Sparky to pull my hair more often in the future.

It's totally a strategy. Not like I _like_ it or anything.

The Victorious Edward Elric

Thursday

Dear Diary,

Things are getting really weird around here. I think I need to go on another mission. For example:

I was in the library this morning, minding my own damn business, and everything was perfectly fine, when Sparky busted in dragging both Havoc and Fury by the ears yelling, "You can't hide it any longer. You must give in to your feelings and admit the truth! I shall help you today, and you will remember this when I am Fuhrer, and you will bow before me in admiration and remember the day I helped you, and be my loyal vassals for all time!"

Don't know. Don't care.

Now there are weird scuffling noises coming from the closet outside Sparky's office… and barking noises from the basement stairs.

I'm going to go lock the library door and do some hard-core research. The sooner I figure out the Philosopher's Stone and leave this place forever, the better.

The Supreme Edward Elric

Friday

Dear Diary,

Caught Roy slipping two beef sandwiches and a bar of chocolate under the door of the hall closet this morning. Have concluded he has finally gone insane and is now worshipping fire elementals and making sacrifices to them hoping that he will be Fuhrer sooner.

Idiot.

It's too bad, really. He's so busy with this cult stuff that he hasn't pulled my hair in days.

I only regret this because it means I haven't been given the opportunity to wreak more havoc on his person close-range.

Speaking of Havoc…

Where is he? Fury's gone, too. And Hawkeye isn't even pretending to do work while she writes her love letters.

Who's the teenager around here? Jeez.

That's it. I'm leaving. If they don't have to do work, neither do I!

The Magnificent Edward Elric

Fin

_Well, that's part two. Sorry if you read, write, or like Elricest, but I had to put my two cents in about it (oh jeez, now I only have 8 cents and some lint to my name…) because I just…don't like it. Not that that should stop you if you do!_

_Thank you to inuyashasluv2468, Fireanice, KDA, ShinigamiZero16, sharp23, kori hime,and Spades 44 for some awesome reviews and a huge self confidence boost as this is only the second fanfic I have written EVER. The first was a rather sad one and I am so happy to be doing humor. And if I missed yours, I'll make it up._

_And Spades…I didn't say it was definitely Havoc in the mini…__Oh, and here's your Roy/Ed. By the way, I've reviewed a bunch of your stuff. It's probably unsigned under "kim." Ohhh, now you know my uber-secret identity!_


	3. Envy's Diary

_Disclaimer: FMA is still not mine. Shocker. Oh, and this story is in no way meant to make size 2 people or those who enjoy wearing clothes of the opposite gender feel uncomfortable or unloved. It's all in good fun!_

_Warnings: Uh, I don't know too much about the Sins, but I came across part of the manga where Lust says something to the effect of, "We have to get this information back to Father." One thing leads to another and…you get this. I'm… sorry._

Monday  
Dear Diary,

Lust always has such pretty things. It's because she's such a Daddy's girl. "Daddy, I want that dress." "Daddy, I want a man-slave." "Daddy, buy me that whip and collar set I've wanted since my 16th birthday." And then she puts on her uber-sexy pouty face and bats her eyelashes and starts breathing suggestively…

And he gives it to her.

And it makes me _so freakin' jealous_! Surprise. I'm only the embodiment of Envy, after all. Welcome to my life.

But this isn't even my fault. The last gift I got from our beloved Father was a pair of _her_ worn out fishnet stockings she used to wear when they were all in vogue. He told me to go play like a nice boy while he took Lust out for a little "together time" at his favorite slum downtown. I wish I had one of those good fathers who like _all_ their kids and take them to baseball games and circuses and public executions and stuff.

On the plus side, the fishnets started a whole chain of events and now I have a super awesome transgender complex that leads me to wear minis and halter tops and make the best fashion statement EVER.

It's really the only thing I can call my own.

But now I'm starting to like Greed's furry little sleeveless…thing. I think I'd rather have that.

So, anyway, Father's latest present to his "favorite little sexy sin," was a diary.

I can have one of those, too.

But I still like _her's _better. Hers is pink and furry and sparkly and says "bad gurlz" on it and comes with a matching pen. Mine's just some random notebook I found in an alley somewhere.

And you wonder why I am like I am.

Envy

Tuesday  
Dear Diary,

Decided to spend day lurking around military HQ as can no longer cope with Father's obvious favoritism. Needed a change of pace.

Resolved to check on pint-sized alchemist and see if I could spot any major weaknesses that I could relay to Father in exchange for a little appreciation once in a while. Immediately wished I hadn't as found him and large metal brother in rather compromising position on the floor of dorm surrounded by metal instruments while the tall blonde male with spiky hair stood by _watching_.

Wish I had a large metal brother. But not for those purposes.

Was forced to leave kinky Elricest behind and follow tall blonde, as that was just way too weird for me. Thought perhaps he would lead me to Flame Alchemist, but no such luck. Did find out through observation, however, that tall blonde has a rather amusing and blatantly obvious crush on smallish, dark-haired officer with glasses. Well, obvious to everyone but _them_. Flame should really attend to that problem. Can't have underlings pining away in angst under your command.

Wish I someone to pine over.

Finally made my way into Flame's office and was dejected to find him gone. Brief search of desk was most rewarding, however, as found numerous dark blue mini-skirts in the left hand drawer. Makes me wonder what Flame actually does in his spare time.

Had to try them on, of course, as cannot let new fashion statement opportunity go by, but found shoddily made minis still had pins in them. Pins which were now in me.

And the waist is too tight. What, does this guy think everybody's a beeping size 2? What about all the real-sized people? Don't we deserve a little love?

Meh. Whatever. Blue's not my color anyway.

Envy

Wednesday  
Dear Diary,

It's so hard to find good companionship around here.

Had a good game of strip poker going with Lust and Greed until Gluttony came rolling in and said he wanted to play, too. Had to let him because Lust told us to. She was all like, "What would _Daddy_ say if he found us all fighting and not playing nice? You don't want him mad at us do you?"

Was worried that I was going to be subjected to a viewing of naked Gluttony (because everyone knows he's too dumb to tell a full house from a lost cause even with Lust standing over his shoulder and spelling it out for him) but game ended after two hands when we realized he'd been eating all the cards.

Lust went to make out in the corner with this week's fiancée. She goes through 'em like there's no tomorrow, I swear. And every time it's the same thing. "Oh, he's the love of my life. We're going to get married and have little sin babies and be so _happy_ together!" And then she gets bored or finds out he's gay or married or cheating and dumps him for the next sexy hunk of man-flesh to come along. Actually, some of them aren't even that sexy. She doesn't really have very high standards.

Anyway, Greed took off after that to go visit his harem and Gluttony is no one I feel the need to spend any amount of one-on-one time with, so here I am. With my diary. And nothing else.

My life is so sad.

Envy

Thursday  
Dear Diary,

Was most pleased to find the following upon return visit to military HQ: tall blonde and smallish brunette with glasses locked in closet together.

There's something poetic about this. This must be Flame's handiwork. No one else would show such wanton disrespect for the privacy of his underling's love lives and think he was doing them a favor. Am very glad he finally got his act together and took a stand, though. It's not about doing _them_ a favor; it's about doing the rest of us a favor. I mean, even I was getting tired of the loaded looks and nervousness and aborted conversations and I don't even work here.

I don't really work at all, come to think of it.

I wish I could just get a job like normal people. I think maybe I'd make a good Fuhrer. I mean, then I'd have everything, and I could stop being all envious all the time and maybe do something with my life. And maybe then Father would appreciate me, and stop doting on stupid Lust, who's never done more work for him than she absolutely had to _ever_, while I'm out here slaving away trying to gather information for him.

This has made me all depressed. Maybe I should get a haircut. I mean, these dreds have been out of style since Lust stopped wearing fishnets.

And she'd kill me if I told you how long ago _that_ was. Women are so weird about their ages.

Envy

Friday  
Dear Diary, 

Spent a rather enjoyable day sneaking around the HQ (what, do I live here now?) finding random things to slip under door to annoy tall blonde and his boyfriend who are STILL in the closet. What could they possibly be doing for 24 hours? Was slightly disappointed to find that snakes and rats didn't cause the commotion I'd hoped. Apparently the small one likes them as pets and the blonde has some rather outlandish culinary tastes.

All was well again when I found the spiders. Was able to listen to some very interesting squeaks and stifled screams when I let those babies loose on the floor. Funny throat noises were followed by easily recognizable sounds of things falling off shelves and onto heads. Felt very evil and genius-like.

I'm not the only one slipping them stuff, either. Caught Flame shoving two beef sandwiches and a chocolate bar beneath the door while a very confused and harried-looking Fullmetal tried not to be noticed backing away in the other direction.

Flame's too soft. If they haven't confessed yet, he needs to up the ante by withholding rations. Of course, he may have thought the chocolate would be enough since Lust tells me it has certain aphrodisiac properties…

Oh well. Not my problem.

Hey, look at that. Flame went home for the weekend without unlocking the closet. Well I, for one, am in no mood to remind him. Heh. Guess I have those guys all to myself for TWO WHOLE DAYS!

Whooppee!

Envy

FIN


	4. Havoc's Diary

_Disclaimer: FMA is not, has never been, and will never be mine…unless things really go to hell._

_Warnings: the usual _

_A/N: The answer to what you've all been wondering: What are they doing in that closet anyway? Hehe, this one took a while, because quite frankly, I had no idea._

**Monday  
**Dear Diary,

I have a secret.

Well, I did. Then Armstrong came in and psychoanalyzed me. I hope he doesn't tell Maes. If he does, it won't be a secret much longer.

Armstrong says I have to write my secret down in a diary and talk about it.

I didn't think a diary was a safe place to write down that kind of information, so I bought one of those little diaries with a lock and key.

But I lost the key. I think Black Hayate ate it.

So I have to leave this one unlocked.

Damn, who smoked all my cigarettes? I can't have gone through that many… oh yeah, the secret.

I like…

I really like…

Grr….

Don't laugh at me.

I am completely

and totally

irrevocably

undeniably

wholeheartedly

insanely

helplessly

suffering

from a

HUGE

crush

on…

Cain Fury.

I said don't laugh!

I need a cig…

Angsting Away (a.k.a. Jean Havoc)

**Tuesday  
**Dear Diary,

The last time I smoked this much in a 24-hour period was the first time I visited Hawkeye's family and her little sister kept hitting on me and Hawkeye kept threatening to shoot me if I did _anything_ and her parents for some odd reason thought Hawkeye and I were _together_ and her dad gave me this weird talk about how to treat a woman right and raise kids and change diapers…

Want to know why I'm smoking so much?

It all started about midmorning when I heard a huge ruckus coming from the Elric brothers' part of the dorms and I decided to go see what all the hullabaloo was. Was rather alarmed to find said brothers…_together_…ahem.

How do they do anything when Al's a giant suit of armor anyway?

And the height difference seems like it'd be a big problem…

I just realized that if Ed EVER gets hold of this diary I am a dead man.

Then, as if that wasn't traumatizing enough, I got this feeling that someone was following me and watching me. I wonder if Armstrong decided to observe us all in our day-to-day routines to see if he could get any further insights into our characters. I doubt it's him, though. Those sparkles are hard to miss, even if he's trying to be sneaky.

Went to the coffee room to try to drown out images of Elric brothers on floor of dorm with insane levels of caffeine only to realize HE was there.

Decided to play it cool.

Said, "HI FURY!"

Maybe was not so cool.

Managed to have decent conversation though. It went like this:

Me: HI FURY!  
Fury: Hello Second Lieutenant  
Me: So…  
Fury: So…  
Me: _nervous giggles  
_Fury: _scratches head and smiles politely_ (he's so cute when he does that)  
Me: So…paperwork calls, then!  
Fury: Yep. See ya.

Armstrong says I should just tell him I like him. He says that a lot of times we are so blinded by our own feelings for other people, we don't realize they have the same feelings for us. Asked him what the hell that was supposed to mean, and he said he couldn't tell me anything else or he'd be breaking therapist-patient confidentiality.

Does he know something I don't?

I'm going to buy more cigarettes now.

Longing for Love (a.k.a. Jean Havoc)

**Wednesday**  
Dear Diary,

Do you think a guy like Fury could ever like a guy like me? I mean, he's so sweet and gentle and nice, and I'm just this big guy who smokes and makes ill-advised jokes about eating puppies when I'm nervous and communicates in monosyllables whenever I run out of cigarettes… which is all the time now.

At least I'm good looking.

Aren't I?

I mean, I got awesome blonde hair and a tall, manly figure.

Was in locker room trying to decide if uniform shows off said figure adequately but was rudely interrupted by Roy's laughter. Have only two things to say to that:

Who spies on people in the locker room? Evil, pervy Roy.

Does that mean I'm not really studly?

Drowning in Misery (a.k.a Jean Havoc)

**Thursday  
**Dear Diary,

9:56AM

Walked over to Fury's desk this morning with every intention of coming clean and telling the truth and just getting it over with.

What I ended up saying was more like, "Fury, I…uh…er…you see…um…I want…to say…that you…um…Can you fix my radio?"

Was forced to run back to office and break radio before Fury figured out that it was all just a ploy to get him into my office.

Now I'm sitting here writing while Fury fixes my radio. He wants to know how it managed to get smashed into a billion pieces and why my wall now has a radio-shaped dent in it. Think I'll blame it on Ed.

I can't believe he's actually fixing it. I smashed it pretty good. Just goes to show you he's really good with his hands…

Oh jeez Roy just came busting in with this huge smile on his face. He must be fresh from a hair-pulling match with Edward. Hm, that maniac look is rather unsettling when it's directed toward me.

Ow, he just grabbed my ear!

Ow, Roy, stop…hey…what are you doing!

10:03AM

Oh god. Roy just locked me in the closet with Fury! I am so screwed.

And not the good kind!

10:06AM

There is absolutely no space in here. We're sitting so close our knees are touching. Self-control wavering…

10:09AM

Uncomfortable silence broken by Fury who said we should probably look for a light or something. Mention of light reminded me that I have no cigarettes in here.

11:23AM

I didn't know this was where Roy keeps his mini-skirts.

1:42PM

I'm hungry.

3:19PM

Had another wonderful conversation with Fury. It went like this:

Fury: So…what was Roy yelling about love and feelings and stuff?  
Me: I dunno.

6:27PM

I think Roy left for the night without letting us out.

8:49PM

Was suffering terrible withdrawal headache. Had buried head in hands and was moaning unintelligible things under breath when felt wonderfully cool, strong hands on shoulders and running through hair.

Ruined moment by jumping up in surprise and looking down at adorably flushed looking Fury who said that sometimes a shoulder rub can help with nicotine withdrawal.

Decided to sit back down and test theory.

Yep, Fury is definitely good with his hands.

Abused and Confused (a.k.a. Jean Havoc)

**Friday  
**Dear Diary,

8:13AM

Woke up to find Fury's head resting on my shoulder. Was extremely content just to sit there and watch him sleep. I mean, really, you can't blame me; he looks so cute with his glasses slightly askew and his hair all messed up and with the morning sunlight streaming down and revealing natural brown highlights I didn't even know he had…

Sunlight?

A WINDOW!

9:24AM

Previous excitement over window ruthlessly crushed as have discovered that window is too high to reach.

How did I discover this?

Fury and I tried climbing the shelves.

This resulted in rather embarrassing fall on my part that upset Fury's shelves so much he fell, too.

Was delighted when he landed on top of me.

Was rather sorry to see him scramble away with an embarrassed mutter and apology.

Now he keeps shooting me questioning looks.

10:46AM

Pounding on door isn't bringing any rescuers. Gave up when discovered fists were actually bruised.

How long does Roy expect us to stay in here anyway?

11:07AM

EW…Who knew headquarters was infested with rats? They keep coming in all over the place. At least Fury has a distraction now. He even named them: Jemima, Bob, Lumps, Corey, Matilda, and Ed.

Ed is, of course, the runt.

My comment that if worse came to worse, we could always eat them was not received well.

11:58AM

Now there are snakes. Honestly. Roy needs to look into this.

Uh-oh. I think one of the snakes just ate Ed.

12:30PM

FINALLY! Roy slipped us a couple sandwiches and a chocolate bar.

Gave no answer when he asked if we'd admitted anything yet. None of his damn business anyway.

Fury's giving me those looks again.

12:46PM

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

SPIDERS!

1:12PM

Was rather embarrassed to admit huge fear of spiders to Fury. He didn't seem to mind, though.

He also didn't seem to mind when I jumped into his arms (totally without thinking) to get away from said spiders.

Was rather amazed to find he can hold me up.

The man is stronger than he looks.

2:12PM

This is getting ridiculous.

4:29PM

Have decided that just need to come out and say it. Need to be a man. If I don't, we're going to be here all weekend.

If I die, Ed can have my dirty magazines. Hawkeye can have my gun. Falman and Breda can duke it out over my car. Mustang, you get nothing. Nothing I say!

5:20PM

Had super-duper-awesome-incredible-phenomenal-stupendous-earth-shattering-wonderful conversation with Fury!

It went like this:

Me: Fury.  
Fury: Yes?  
Me: I have something to tell you.  
Fury: What?  
Me: I….  
Fury: What?  
Me: I….  
Fury: _What?  
_Me: I…  
Fury: WHAT?  
Me: I'minlovewithyou.  
Fury: What? I didn't hear you.  
Me: I LOVE YOU.  
Fury:…  
Me:…  
Fury:…  
Me:…  
Fury: Well then WHY AREN'T YOU KISSING ME?

6:22PM

Did I mention Fury was good with his hands?

7:17PM

Heh.

Was so caught up in doing…things, I didn't even think to yell to Roy that I'd confessed.

And now he left for the weekend.

Heh.

Guess that means I have a lot of time to continue doing…things.

Who's laughing outside the door?

Extremely Happy, Ridiculously Joyful, Still Trapped (a.k.a. Jean Havoc)

FIN

_A/N #2: Ahh! I'm so sorry! I forgot to thank people for reviews. Bad Dustwind. Bad!_

_Dominus: Need some serious brainstorming for Hughes. He deserves the best._

_CK: All I can do in reference to what I have planned for Armstrong is giggle._

_Sharp23: Glad you like!_

_Spades: Oh by all means, use whatever. And I hope this met your closet expectations!_

_Beefy Baka: I love your name. Please show this to everybody! Yea for big people!_

_Chaos of Hearts: To be honest, the situation was going downhill from the time I started these. Now we're just headed to the pit of doom._

_Kori hime: Hmm…that worked out…cool! And Roy/Ed undertones are so much fun to write. Even though I wouldn't know subtlety if it bit me._

_Thank you all so much! Reviews make my world go 'round!_


	5. Fury's Diary

_A/N: Bah! Sorry this took almost a week, but this was the week before spring break, and all my professors were like, "Oh…I need an actual grade for this class…why don't I assign a paper AND a test for the last day of class? Dustwind just doesn't have enough excitement in her life," and it was all downhill from there. frazzles_

_I'm so glad you liked Havoc's diary! I had been a little worried it wasn't up to par. Had to do Fury's next. His and Havoc's just go together. Enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: If pigs fly, then I own FMA. Pigs do not fly. Draw your own conclusions_.

Monday  
Dear Diary,

Armstrong came in this morning and told me I am too shy and I don't have enough self-confidence. He says I need to stick up for myself and speak my mind.

Actually, that's not true. What he really said was, "My dear Fury, you must throw off the shackles of shyness and inhibition and free yourself to experience life as you were meant to: as a man! Be not afraid to speak your mind, for there is no greater evil than to repress one's true self. If you have feelings you wish to express (coughahemforhavoccough) then it is your natural right and duty to do so (coughbecauseweallknowhavocneverwillcough)! To do this you must get in touch with your feelings (coughespeciallythoseforhavoccough) using a technique that has been in the Armstrong family for generations: keeping a diary!"

Meh, you get the point.

I offered him a cough drop, but he said he didn't need any.

Why is everybody always picking on me for being shy? First of all, it's a survival tactic here. You want to keep your head below the level of the bullets. Literally. Hawkeye's usually aiming for Roy or Havoc's head. It pays to be short sometimes.

Havoc's the only one who never tries to change me or attack me or anything. He's always so quiet around me. It's kind of nice. Plus, he tends to be the one to draw all the gunfire when he's in the room, which really makes me feel a lot safer.

Wish he'd come around more often.

As for the expressing my feelings part…I'm sure nobody wants to know about those. Plus, when you write things down, people find ways to read them. Look at Hawkeye for example. She never should have written that stuff about her and Roy in the girls' bathroom. Now EVERYBODY knows.

Mother of…I think the sparkles scratched my lenses.

Cain Fury

Tuesday  
Dear Diary,

Came into work this morning only to find Breda crying on top of his desk again because he'd seen a rat.

Apparently when Roy told me to "take care of the rat problem," he meant "kill the rats," not "feed them because they're hungry."

It was an honest mistake!

Bah, I'm not going to kill them now. They're cute! And they trust me. And they make nicer company than Hawkeye.

Just because I caught her carving Riza and Roy 4ever into her desk last night is no reason to send any bullets flying my way!

Then Roy came in all grumpy because… he's Roy…and yelled at me to make some coffee.

What is this? "Fury, take care of the rats!" "Fury, do your paperwork!" "Fury, do _my_ paperwork!" "Fury, make some coffee!" This was not in my job description! Well, maybe the paperwork was…but only _my_ paperwork!

Had decided to take Armstrong's advice and stop letting them all walk all over me and REFUSE to be Roy's bi… gopher, but Havoc chose that moment to come back from the Elrics' dorm and look forlornly at the empty coffee maker, and I couldn't refuse such blatant need in the only one who ever treats me nicely, now could I?

Plus, he gave me the puppy dog eyes. I really can't do anything against the puppy dog eyes.

I wonder why he felt the need to yell "HI FURY!" when he came in, though. He looks on edge. I wonder what the Elric brothers were doing to make all that noise. Not much sets Havoc on edge.

Do you think he'd let me hug him? He looks like he needs one.

I'd better see to that coffee.

Maybe if Havoc gets to the coffee first, I can put something nasty in it for when Roy comes back…

I can always say I set it out for the rats.

Cain Fury

Wednesday  
Dear Diary,

Was finally able to come out of hiding around lunchtime when was absolutely certain that the confrontation between Ed and Roy was completely over. When they get within 20 feet of each other, things have this tendency to spontaneously combust or transmute into food products.

I told Roy it was probably a bad thing when he forgot to demagnetize Al before sending him back to his room. He just smiled and tried to look innocent.

I'm sorry, but Roy trying to look innocent is like watching a crocodile smile…it's just scarier. I'm glad it's Ed and not me that has to deal with Roy's particular brand of attention. Not that Ed's figured out what all of Roy's attention means yet. Falman and Breda have a bet going as to how long it takes for one of them to finally jump the other. Falman says give it another week; Breda thinks it will go down sometime next month. I say they're being optimistic. Fullmetal's pretty stubborn.

And denial is such a comfortable state of mind.

Not that I'd know.

Ew. It really smells like fish in the hallway outside Roy's office. I hope that's not what they're serving for lunch.

I haven't seen Havoc since he went to the locker room to grab another pack of cigarettes. What could he possibly be doing?

Cain Fury

Thursday  
Dear Diary,

9:56AM

Havoc came in this morning and after a great deal of unnecessary verbal dancing asked my to fix his radio. He then proceeded to run out of the room.

Maybe I need to stop making him coffee. I think it's reacting with the nicotine and making him tweak.

9:58AM

How in God's name did the radio get to be in this condition? Sigh.

9:59AM

Yeah, Havoc. Blame it on Edward. Right.

What the… Roy! Let go of my ear! I'll make your coffee later dangit! Ow!

10:03AM

I think Armstrong got to Roy, too. He was yelling something about feelings and expression. I didn't hear all of it because I was rather preoccupied with the fact that I was being locked in a closet with Havoc.

11:30AM

So…is this payback for putting the cayenne pepper in the coffeepot? Jeez, that was two days, ago! If so, what did Havoc do to deserve punishment?

12:21PM

I've never been this close to Havoc for so long before. Who knew he wore cologne?

And his legs are really muscular…not that I'm feeling him up or anything…it's tight in here, alright!

3:14PM

He says he has no idea what Roy was talking about with all the feelings and expression and stuff…but why is he blushing?

I kind of like it when he blushes.

4:42PM

I think I just realized something.

4:45PM

I'm sure you would like to know what that something is.

4:49PM

Oh God.

4:51PM

I like Havoc!

I need to get out of here!

5:50PM

I don't think Roy's coming back tonight…

5:56PM

He could have at least dropped off dinner!

6:43PM

So…Armstrong thinks I need to share my feelings.

Roy said something about Havoc and me both sharing feelings…

I have feelings for Havoc…

Havoc blushes whenever I look at him…

Havoc is clearly hiding something. He's all jumpy and twitchy…unless that's the cigs…

No, he's hiding something.

Hmm…

6:55PM

Maybe he…no, can't be.

7:13PM

But what if he did?

7:39PM

I need to test this out.

9:45PM

Score!

No, not that kind of score…yet.

But Havoc definitely likes…_me_. He had this withdrawal headache (he really should lay off the smokes) so I offered him a massage.

After his initial shock…he accepted.

He has muscular shoulders, too.

So why hasn't he said anything? I mean, come on, we've been in this closet for 11 hours now.

Oh well, I guess we can deal with this tomorrow. I don't want to wake him up. He'd just get another headache, and I kind of like watching him sleep. He's all curled up and his feet twitch like he's dreaming. Reminds me of my dog I had when I was a kid. I just wanna hug him.

But that would wake him up. And he'd take his head off my lap.

And that's just not acceptable.

Cain Fury

Friday  
Dear Diary,

9:34AM

Was rather embarrassed to find that sometime during the night we'd shifted so that my head was on Havoc's shoulder.

Was rather annoyed to wake up to the sound of Havoc screaming in my ear "There's a window! There's a WINDOW!"

Yes, I know there's a window. It's too high.

But he didn't believe me. He started climbing the shelves.

I, of course, had to follow him because he could hurt himself climbing all the way up there.

Never thought to think he'd disrupt my shelves and take me with him when he inevitably fell. Which was why I was so embarrassed to land right on top of him.

He passed up an absolutely perfect opportunity to confess, too.

Maybe it's time to start giving hints. A questioning look, perhaps?

11:30AM

Questioning looks having no effect but to make him twitchy again. Sigh.

On the plus side, the rats have come to visit! We're on really friendly terms now; they let me pet them and everything. I've named them, too: Jemima, Bob, Lumps, Corey, Matilda, and Ed. Actually, it's kind of nice to have something to focus on other than Havoc not telling me things.

Havoc was joking when he said we might have to eat them, right? Right?

11:42AM

sniffle

We are gathered here today to mourn the death of our beloved Ed, who's untimely death suffered at the hands…er…fangs of a snake has come at such a shock. Though he was the runt, he was well loved. We shall miss you, Ed.

12:30PM

FOOD!

Shot Havoc a pointed look when Roy asked if he'd confessed anything yet.

I don't think he noticed.

Never seen a man eat so fast in my life.

1:30PM

giggle

snort

choking back laughter

Tee-hee. Havoc. Jean Havoc. The tough guy.

Is afraid.

Of spiders.

That's okay, anything that makes him jump into my arms like that is good by me.

On the minus side, he passed up another golden confession opportunity.

2:12

This is getting ridiculous.

4:30PM

He looks like he's planning something. I mean, that's what all the muttering to himself in the corner means, right?

5:15PM

Awww!

Havoc _loves_ me. Not _likes_ me. _Loves_ me. And he said it so cute, too. He was all, "I'minlovewithyou," like he didn't really want to say it.

So, of course, I made him repeat it.

Until he shouted it.

Heh. Maybe I'll give him something else to shout about.

6:54PM

Didn't say anything when I heard Roy ask how things were going.

Havoc didn't say anything, either. I had him kind of distracted.

I like it in here!

Now I have the whole weekend to spend with Havoc!

Roy seems to think this is torture on us.

If this is torture, chain me to the wall!(1)

Is that me laughing maniacally or someone else?

Cain Fury

FIN

(1)I totally _borrowed_ this line from whoever owns _Oliver and Company_. Decided to put a disclaimer on that, just in case.

_Hee hee. I'm just glad I got to write the closet scene twice! Although, it turned out more fluffy than comic... Meh. It'll be either Armstrong or Hawkeye next. Not sure. Got big plans for both. Hm. I'll have more time to write, too, so you should get both this week._

_Okay…deep breath… and go!_

Linwe Jaganshi: Hm. Perhaps a Roy/Ed weekend special edition is in order. So much to do, so much to do…

AkiraElric: You guessed it! Always glad to be an inspiration!

Geraniums: Thank you muchly.

WinryRockbell: Hawkeye's acomin'. Please allow your face to revert back to normal.

Spades 44: Oh! You think I'm talented! That is so flattering. Thank you. Looks like I'm doing a weekend special edition of Havoc and Fury, too. I was actually thinking of taking the closet concept and turning it into a real fic…without most of the crack, of course.

Rage Aomori: Man! You can write reviews with huge words even after I fry your brain…I have Band-Aids? (Note: this author will not be held liable for any injury or damage that occurs to persons or computers while reading this fiction.) Thank you!

PinkStarz: Who does homework? Let's be honest.

Zeromaveric: I'll…try to work that in. Grins You'll either like Armstrong's or hate it, and that's all I'm sayin'.

BrianaLFBH: Winry may be hard because she's not there. Maybe I could do a second week (oh, god, so much work) where she visits. Or work her into the weekend somehow.

The Plushie Bandit: You're review left me speechless. glomps smoking Havoc plushie Thank you soooooo much. Maybe I should put out a warning about the water thing…heh. Please regard note for Rage Aomori. And please continue writing novel-length reviews. I will continue writing stories. Equivalent exchange, ne?

CK: One-liners are my favorites, too. And I hate Mondays. Although confetti makes them better.

Chaos of Hearts: Well, here's Cain. Riza's coming. We'll see about how I resolve the closet thing. I'm still brainstorming…

Demon Darkchild: I'm so glad you're enjoying these. I hope your floor is soft…


	6. Riza's Diary

_A/N: Oh god. I was looking through the other chapters at what I wrote of Hawkeye and went, "Ewwww…that's not Hawkeye! " So, I came up with this. Still not Hawkeye. Watch out or you might fall into the huge gaping CRACK! I think I crossed a line here…does anyone read this? Or am I just talking to make noise?_

_Warnings: crack, ass-less chaps, short-shorts_

_Disclaimer: no es mï_

Monday  
Dear Diary,

I swear to God I am the only straight person in this building.

First Sparkles comes in and interrupts my paperwork with all this touchy-feely nonsense about discovering my true emotions and coming to terms with being the one side of a one-sided love and how it's easy to love the Colonel and _everybody's_ had a crush on him at some point and how I really should just leave him to Fullmetal because if I love him I'll let him go…

I agreed to keep a diary to get him to shut up.

Which he did.

With the help of Bertha.

Oh yeah, Bertha's my gun. We're good friends. We go way back. She's always been there for me, ya know? She never talks back and always understands the need for good discipline and never distracts me from my paperwork…

What?

Oh yeah.

Then there's Havoc and Fury. Someone needs to just lock them in a closet together or something; this is getting rather ridiculous. Fury does okay but Havoc has ceased to function entirely and is no longer even trying to get his paperwork done. I don't think he even noticed when I waved Bertha suggestively in the direction of the stack of papers that is threatening to eat his desk.

Falman and Breda are hard to read, but I have my suspicions about them, too. Caught Breda with his head in a Play_girl_ magazine last week, and who knows what's going on in Falman's head? I don't think I've ever heard him say anything other than a definition, and no manly man I know reads _that_ much.

Maes has a wife. Which just confuses me.

Then there's Roy. And Fullmetal. And denial you can taste. Or maybe that's just Armstrong's sparkles still hanging around in the air.

And it's all really too bad because Roy is rather studly. Wait, that's beside the point.

Anyway, I have my plans for Roy and his rugged, uncombed manliness. Fullmetal doesn't know who he's up against.

MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA_achkcoughcough _Damn sparkles!

Hawkeye

Tuesday  
Dear Diary,

Okay, phase one of myuber-secret-really-important-insanely-evil-and-insane planiscomplete. Roy thinks I am head over heels in love with him. He knows I am the one who has been sending him those anonymous love letters in his paperwork.

Of course, I did kind of spell it out for him when I made sure he saw me writing _Riza loves Roy_ on my diary during lunch. Really, if he wants to be Fuhrer, he is going to need slightly stronger powers of deduction.

But that's why I'm here.

So I know that Roy knows. And he knows thatI know that he knows because he came in here about an hour ago and chewed me out for being "unprofessional and scary in the workplace" and for "setting a bad example" for all the other young women who pine after him and how "at least they all have the decency to do it in secret" and that he likes blondes but he doesn't really go for "manly women."

Yeah, he just goes for the girly men. coughedwardelriccough

Who said that?

And I'M NOT MANLY!

But what Roy doesn't know is that it's all part of the plan.

See, he has a really tragic flaw: egotism. He'll keep me around because he can't stand the thought of losing a subordinate so completely and thoroughly under his spell.

And so when he becomes Fuhrer, I'll be right there.

And we all know there are no successful men without some very special women in the background.

And in the background I will stay, until the time comes for me to take some power of my own! And then I will be Fuhrer! And all shall bow before me and Bertha! And I shall fire all my female subordinates! And all men of the army shall wear short-shorts! And all will be well in the world!

And I won't even have to do the work to get to the top because Roy will do it for me, as long as I stay his close second.

Maybe I'll even keep Roy on as my butler or something. After all, I will need something pretty to look at and he'd look mighty nice in these new uniforms I've got in mind. And I really don't want to have to kill him. I'm sure he'll surrender if Bertha and me put it to him nicely. Yes. I think we can save Roy and his washboard abs.

And I won't even be unreasonable like Roy would. He'd make every girl wear mini-skirts before he was done, whether they flattered her or not.

I, in my benevolence, will realize some guys just aren't cut out for short shorts.

They can always wear ass-less chaps instead if they really want to.

Hawkeye

Wednesday  
Dear Diary,

Blast! Edward Elric has unwittingly foiled phase two of my uber-secret-really-important-insanely-evil-and-insane plan! Phase two is now a pile of microwaveable fishsticks!

Grrr… if he had to transmute all my hard work into food, couldn't he have at least chosen something less…smelly?

And guess who Roy immediately called to clean it up. Yeah. Me. Luckily I could delegate that particular dutyto Fury who chose that moment to come out of his hiding spot.

But all that hard work! It's hard to counterfeit the Fuhrer's signature on a fake document ordering all officers of the military to find wives to repudiate all the rumors about fraternizing and friends with benefits that have been going around lately.

It's not that I want to marry him (although…I wouldn't complain). It's just that it would make my takeover that much easier.

_Sigh._ Now I have to start all over again.

And honestly, Roy is so careless. He hides his mini-skirt prototypes in the hall closet where just anyone can get to them. At least I hide my uniform ideas in my underwear drawer at home. Black Hayate would kill anyone who looks in there.

All he has to guard the minis in the closet are some rats Fury neglected to take care of.

Do you think he'd like me in a mini? Maybe it would convince him that girls aren't yucky with cooties.

What am I saying?

Hawkeye

Thursday  
Dear Diary,

Something's up.

Havoc and Fury have disappeared completely and Roy's all smiley. Ed's been walking around like he's being hunted and I haven't seen Black Hayate since last night. Paperwork is backing up and I haven't had time to re-implement phase two.

I'm actually thinking of scraping phase two. I don't think he'd ever really fall for it. He might not even notice it; he could just randomly sign it like he does all the other papers while he daydreams about Edward Elric.

What does that shrimp have that I don't?

The only problem is, I don't have a plan B and I can't move on to phase three because…I haven't thought of it yet.

I feel a huge sulk coming on.

Maybe I'll go write _Riza and Roy _on the cover of my journal some more. That always makes me feel better.

Gotta keep up appearances!

Hawkeye

Friday  
Dear Diary,

Oh. My. God.

I am so…scarred right now.

I am so scarred I can't even articulate to you what made me scarred.

I just thought it would be fun for me and Bertha to steal Armstrong's diary and see what was going on in that huge bald head of his. I mean, if he gets to psychoanalyze us, at least we should get to see into some of his psyche.

I never want to see that much of Armstrong's psyche again. _sob. _It was scary.

I mean, how could it even work between them? It's long distance! And he's so…and she's so…and the whole thing is just so…

Well, at least I'm not the only straight one in the building, right? Heh.

Roy, I'm so sorry! I'll never plot against you again if you just MAKE THE PAIN STOP!

Maybe I'll write him a letter.

Once my brain revives from the shock.

If it does.

Roy! I need a hug!

Hawkeye

A/N: Meh. I feel these are getting less and less funny as I go. And sorry for Riza's obnoxiously vague Friday entry, but all will be made clear in Armstrong's diary. Which is next. Okay! Reviews!

Geraniums: Thank ye. I love the closet scene, too. It just makes for the most random situations.

Demon Darkchild: Here's your Hawkeye! I hope it pleases you. Sorry I turned her into a…ahem…PSYCHO, but at least she's not the lovesick damsel I made her out to be in the other chappies…

Patsy: Oh, more are coming.

Anime Monster: A second week? I guess I could be persuaded…

FlameBreak: Glad you love. Love is cool.

Shale 101: Thankies!

Rage Aomori: Hope you're still cackling after this…and Armstrong's…I'm gonna get mauled for it…winks

Kallia: The inner fangirls must be nurtured! They cannot be ignored! MWAHAHA!

Plushie Bandit: I love your reviews. Did I say that already? Well I do. And I'm glad it's finally stopped smelling like smoke in here. And all the squirrels and rabbits and whatnot really do make some good conversation! glomps Fury plushie These keep you alive, huh? bows

Linwe Jaganshi: You mean the Very Secret Diaries by Cassie Claire! OMG I love those! And I love LOTR! Sigh. I think hers are better, though. I tend to run on.

Reign-of-Dreams: Yeah! Thank you, I work hard to make them all work together. I've reread them so many times I'm not sure why they're funny anymore…

Icy Tears: Hm…I think Scar's could be hilarious…thinking

Chaos of Hearts: Hehe. No such thing as too much fun!

WinryRockbell: Whew, I was worried it might freeze that way. Good. Glad you can read without harming your facial features.

Goddessofthewaters: thanks!

Super Banzai: Doesn't a magnetized Al put the funniest pictures into your head?

Dominus: looks up Well, heh, Armstrong can't come last now…but hey, I gave you Riza!

Kori hime: coherency is highly overrated.

Oh lordy, I just love reviews! 66 for 5 chapters as of right now! dies happy


	7. Armstrong's Diary

_A/N: Here's the long-awaited Armstrong chappie! I'm not gonna lie, it's my worst yet. I just want to get it written and move on. Oh God. I can't even start with the wrongness. Please don't kill me?_

_Disclaimer: FMA is not mine. Neither is this story's random…pairing. Harukami on LJ thought it up. I just had to get in on the action._

_Warnings: There are no words for this…_

Monday  
Dear Diary,

Once again, the Fuhrer has called those of the Armstrong line to save home and country…or at least the sanity of some of its most well trained military dogs.

Honestly, can't he ask someone else to do the saving some of the time? It's always, "Armstrong, guard Fullmetal." "Armstrong, help Flame get his act together and chase down Scar." "Armstrong, get me coffee."

Was so used to following orders, actually poured him coffee. Am beginning to feel like Fury.

Sigh. I thought when I left home it would be different. You know, I would finally get out of Arnold Luther's shadow. Older brothers can be such a bother. Even when we were kids our skills as alchemists of the Armstrong line were well respected, and we'd get called to save kittens from falling out of trees and such.

And it was always me who did the work back then, too. But did anyone appreciate me? NO. Arnold Luther took all the credit because his muscles were bigger and he had more sparkles.

This isn't something I'd confess to just anybody, but I'm actually a very mediocre sparkle producer. Have been shamed out of attending family reunions for the past 6 years now.

Am beginning to think I am regarded as somewhat of a black sheep.

And even here, surrounded by tiny people with no sparkles to their name, I am unappreciated.

Sigh. I have to go psychoanalyze the entire Eastern Headquarters. Apparently Arnold Luther has the power to psychoanalyze people at will and now they think I should have it, too. Didn't say anything counter to this as did not want to loose face yet again to evil older brother.

Apparently I had the measles when my family decided to pass that particular trick down the Armstrong line.

They didn't even get me a nice hotel room.

The things I do for duty.

Alex Louis Armstrong

Tuesday  
Dear Diary,

If I told you all the things that are wrong with everybody here, I would need to write a book. And I'm not even kidding.

First of all, the angst that's going around is ridiculous. And there's like a love hexagon happening here. Basically the result is gender confusion, misdirected anger, megalomania, inferiority complexes, and random fixations on mini-skirts.

Here's the scoop. Roy is totally into Fullmetal, who would not admit he's into Roy if his life depended on it. There's weird rumors flying around about Al and Ed that I don't even want to get into. I mean, come on. What are they gonna do when Al's a giant suit of armor? Besides, I'm into brotherly love and all, but not that kind. Ew.

Hawkeye is trying to cover up a schoolgirl crush on Roy by pretending to be an evil genius bent on stealing power from Roy. Havoc pretends to be into Hawkeye but really digs Fury, who's just trying to stay out of the way. Luckily, Fury likes Havoc back, but is rather adorably too shy to admit it even to himself. Roy should just lock them in a closet or something.

Am not sure where Breda fits into the picture as Breda was too busy hiding under his desk from Black Hayate for me to really get a good interview in. Or maybe that was just because I was distracted by my own studliness in the hallway mirror.

Falman… is Falman. That's all I'm saying. Did you know he writes poetry? That's so…hot. Ahem. If I wasn't totally into my ladylove right now, I might be…investigating a little further.

At least _I_ have a girlfriend. Then again, getting women has always been a very special technique passed down the Armstrong line for generations.

Have suggested they all write diaries to get in touch with their feelings and hopefully solve their own problems before I have to get any more involved than I already am.

Hey, it's not easy to be the guy everyone can always depend on to sparkle and flex and save the day.

Aw, who am I kidding? I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe if I just keep sitting here sparkling and flexing they'll decide I'm too pretty to bother and leave me alone.

Alex Louis Armstrong

Wednesday  
Dear Diary,

Ah! Today has been a totally wonderful, completely satisfying, excellent, exemplary, happy, beautiful, sparkle-iscious, pec-pumping day!

I received in the mail a letter from my ladylove. It went as follows.

Dear Sparkles,

How are you, Dearie? Did you get those cookies I sent you? Hope you're doing well and staying out of trouble. Don't let the Fuhrer push you around too much. Remember, he's the most powerful man in Amestris, but he simply does not have the pecs you do. You could totally take him.

Am having fun puttering around the house. My granddaughter doesn't know about us yet. Have not found the right time to tell her. Feel very sneaky and romantic hiding our love.

It's actually kind of a turn on.

Still remembering our nights together in Risembool with fondness. Come back to me soon (preferably without a busted Edward and Alphonse) and show me some more of your super powers that have been passed down the Armstrong line for generations.

Love and kisses,  
Your Hot Momma

P.S. I still have the sparkles you left in a jar at my bedside. They light up my night!

Have decided to take the rest of the day off of work to write to someone who actually appreciates me.

Alex Louis Armstrong

Thursday  
Dear Diary,

Heh. Look at that. Roy locked Jean and Cain in the closet together. I hope he remembers to feed them.

Oh well. It could actually be therapeutic. Doesn't really involve me anyway. Am still on cloud nine from love letter.

My reply is now as follows:

My Dearest Pinako,

My heart yearns for the day when I can once again run my strong, thick fingers through your silver hair, and chop wood for you and flirt shamelessly while your granddaughter obliviously plays with her metal toys in the corner.

I am afraid that duty keeps me here for a time, but rest assured that I am doing my best to take care of young Edward and Alphonse, who are doing quite well.

I know it is of little consolation in my absence, but I think of you every moment. I sparkle for at least an hour every morning in your honor.

I am afraid that work is treating me rather roughly lately. I will be in need of more of your tender care when I am at last free to return to your charming abode for a little RnR.

And maybe then you can show me some more of those fascinating tricks you do with your tools. Almost as good as an Armstrong super power, those.

Love,  
Your Studly Muscle Man

P.S. The cookies were absolutely scrumptious.

Look at that. I'm makingjust as many sparkles as Arnold Luther ever did.

The things a good woman can do for a man.

Alex Louis Armstrong

Friday  
Dear Diary,

Okay, so Roy is laughing maniacally to himself in his office, Havoc and Fury are _still_ in that closet, Hawkeye is writing God knows what in permanent pen on her desk (and shooting me positively _frightened _looks), Breda is hiding under his desk from snakes that totally came out of nowhere, Falman is trying to look like he's doing paperwork while he composes some of his more risqué pieces, Fullmetal is wandering around like he's being hunted, Al is playing with some kittens in the corner, and for some reason Black Hayate is digging his way out of the basement.

In short, it's a normal Friday at Eastern.

And nobody is paying attention to me. They didn't even notice I got my chest waxed last night.

I think I'll take a trip to Risembool this weekend. I know someone there who appreciates a good chest wax.

Alex Louis Armstrong

FIN

_A/N: Heh, not to make you more angry, but I'm going to have to wait on answering reviews. But THANK YOU ALL FOR REVIEWING AND PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! _

_Dustwind proceeds to run away in fear of readers' wrath._


	8. Maes' Diary

_Disclaimer: Not mine._

_Warnings: Um, I think I keep switching the spelling of Elysia/Alicia between people's diaries…otherwise the same warnings apply…Oh yeah, and italics within the body of the diary are pictures (because it's Maes)._

Monday  
Dear Diary, 

Awww! Look at this! _Insert picture of tiny tot in pink picking flowers from her mother's carefully planted flowerboxes. _It's my three-year-old daughter, Elysia. Isn't she cute? She's so into nature! Look how she goes after the prettiest ones. She has such an eye for color, don't you think? She'll be a botanist, I'm sure of it.

Gracia tried to tell me that we should be setting some limits for her now that she's getting a little older. You know, tell her that flowers belong inside the flower boxes and if she wants to pick them we can go pick wildflowers at the park…

But what's the point of that? She wants those flowers. And what my Elysia wants, my Elysia gets.

So Armstrong gave me a call this morning and tried to ask about something but I wasn't really paying attention to what he said. I was too anxious to tell him about the art project Elysia did in pre-school on Friday. Caught something about psychoanalysis and Eastern Headquarters.

Is something going on over there that I don't know about? Maybe I should make a few discreet inquiries. I could just call Roy and ask him, I guess, but what's the fun in that? He gets so confused when I know everything and he has no idea how.

But first, Elysia just caught a bug! She's going to make it her pet. I have to get a picture of this.

Maes 

Tuesday  
Dear Diary,

Apparently Armstrong was sent to evaluate the psychological health of the military personnel residing in Eastern. I hope Roy managed to hide his mini-skirts in time. I feel kind of guilty because I did kind of get a heads up about this from Armstrong yesterday, but I got so distracted by my daughter's crayon drawings on our living room wall (she's gonna be an artist, I swear) and I had to take pictures and everything and then I went to get Gracia and showed her but she didn't seem to be too happy about it and I told her "well, she's only three, and I think this is a wonderful start for someone her age…"

_Stuck between the pages here is a picture of a little girl in an artist's smock making random squiggles and scratches on a formerly pristine white wall._

Oops. Did it again. Heh.

Anyways, I felt bad for not informing Roy about his upcoming analysis because I'm supposed to be helping him to the top, and if he didn't get those skirts hidden, it's not going to look too good on his health record…

But who looks at health records, eh? I'm sure it'll work out.

Besides, I've got other things to worry about. A young boy came by the house today asking after Elysia.

I sent him away of course. There is no reason for boys to get interested in my little girl. She's much too young and innocent to be worrying about that kind of thing.

Anyway, she's going to marry the guy I pick for her. Those young Elric brothers are nice, and they did kind of help Gracia and me out in actually delivering Elysia…

_Insert about 6 pictures of the two Elrics holding a baby Elysia (yanking on Ed's hair more of ten than not)._

But I think Ed's kind of into Roy. I mean, no one makes that big a deal about hating someone unless they really like them. Besides, the last time I saw those two together I was waving goodbye to their train and I saw through the window that Ed had fallen asleep on Roy's shoulder.

Roy swears he was just fatigued from battle and that he was actually really angry when he woke up but I don't believe a word of it.

They're worse than Havoc and Fury.

So I guess that leaves Al. He's a nice boy. I like him a lot, although he is a giant suit of armor. I guess that could cause some trouble. But hey, Ed's supposed to fix that, right?

Maybe I should be making more of an effort to help the Elrics. Forget Roy, I need to humanize my Elysia's fiancé!

Maes

Wednesday  
Dear Diary,

Had to put the kaput on the whole "engage Elysia to Al" thing when a quick phone call to Eastern yesterday revealed a huge scandal concerning a half-naked Edward draped suggestively across a very resigned Alphonse surrounded by metal objects. Guess the whole "Al's a giant suit of armor" thing wasn't so much a problem after all, but that's just wrong.

And apparently Havoc was watching?

What the hell is Roy doing over there? He's never going to be Fuhrer if he doesn't get a handle on things.

And even if Roy screwed up I would have expected Hawkeye to take care of things for him. Maybe she's losing her edge. The last time I called her she asked me what size shorts I wear or if I like leather chaps better.

Eh? Did I miss something?

Oh well, I can't deal with it right now. Got some problems at home. Gracia is yelling at me to "Get your daughter out of my secret chocolate stash right now, Maes Hughes, or you will not be getting any tonight!"

And I don't think she's referring to the chocolate.

Better go deal with that.

Maes

Thursday  
Dear Diary,

Was so distracted yesterday that I actually forgot to put some pictures in! Well, I'll just have to make up for it now.

_Please regard a snapshot of Elysia playing "pony" with Schieska._

_Please regard also a picture of Elysia playing "princess" with Schieska, who is wearing a French maid's uniform, painting Elysia's toenails, stirring a pot of Elysia's favorite soup with the other hand, and reciting Sleeping Beauty from memory._

_This is followed by a nice little vignette of Elysia trying on Mommy's jewelry (and throwing the gems she dislikes out the window)._

_Which is completed by the next shot of Daddy trying to console a screaming child who has just been put into time-out for "not respecting Mommy's personal items."_

Poor Elysia. She says a boy snubbed her. She invited him over and he never came!

How dare he! No one does that to my little girl!

Tracked him down using my…sources. Sorry, but this diary is just not secure enough to name them.

Was surprised to find he was the same boy I'd thrown out Tuesday.

Told him it wasn't my fault he didn't care about my beautiful daughter enough to fight to see her. If he was serious about her he could have tried a little harder, couldn't he?

I will not have Elysia seeing a wimp.

So I went back home and told her how beautiful she was and what a little princess she is and how if people don't like her it's only because they're stupid and she's smart and they really don't have any taste. She said she'd feel better if I built bought her a pony.

I told her we don't have the money or the space for a pony.

She stopped crying when I told her Schieska's free tomorrow.

Maes

Friday  
Dear Diary,

Elysia beat up a bully all by herself today. Maybe I was wrong; she should really be a martial artist.

Anyway, she said the bully had been stealing lunch money from the other kids. When Gracia asked her where those 20 dollars in her pocket came from she said the other kids were so grateful that they gave her their money.

Isn't she an angel? Only 3 years old and already defending the defenseless!

_Insert picture of annoyed looking Elysia dressed up in a sheet-cape and pot-helmet while her father does the peace sign in the background._

For some reason, though, her teachers seem to think she's the bully. They say she's "an aggressive, spoiled, bratty, immature little demon who can't share or play nice to save her life."

Told them they could stick that where the sun don't shine.

And worse, Gracia seems to believe them.

Well, who better to stand up for his little girl than her Daddy?

Called Roy to try to get some manly advice as I seem to be on my own in a world ruled by females, but he was decidedly tight-lipped on the matter, which is weird because I let Elysia talk to him first and usually she opens people right up.

He sounded kind of scared, too. Maybe I should be making a trip to Eastern. Roy is really screwing things up. God, do I have to do all the work to get him to the top? I should be Fuhrer; we all know I'm the brains of the operation anyway.

But first I have to go to a parent-teacher conference.

I wasn't going to show up, but Gracia says if I don't I'm not getting any tonight, either.

Where's the love?

Maes

FIN

_A/N: Just so we're clear I DO NOT HATE ELYSIA! She and Maes are my absolute favorite father-daughter pair in any anime EVER. I'm just taking a random premise and being random with it…that did not make sense. Read my drabbles and you'll see what I really think of their relationship (coughshamelesspimpagecough)._

_(Looks at reviews in confusion) So…where'd I leave off? Heh. If I miss you, throw something._

_Geraniums: Like I said, not my pairing! I can take no responsibility!_

_Phishy Chan: I'm brilliant? Thanks! And I do work hard to make sure they all work together._

_Gomp: Thankies!_

_Rage Aomori: OMG do you need the Heimlich? I am certified, you know. Sorry if I just killed you. Oh, and good use of the word ineffable. (bows)_

_Aeroths Rider: So glad to make you laugh; we don't do it enough._

_Mhnomi: Expect the unexpected from me! Heh, that was so cliché._

_Taia: Oh dear, poor Ed and Roy at the mercy of another author. When will they learn?_

_Dominus: Oh, I love your reviews. Yes, Armstrong probably does get annoyed at being the only productive person anywhere. And here's your Hughes FINALLY._

_Cassandra: I'm sorry you died…but I'm glad you went laughing!_

_Anime Monster: Heh, yeah, not my pairing, but…yeah. Interesting mental images, indeed. We'll just hope Maes never gets near those two with a camera._

_ScarredSweetheart: Uh, several. I dunno. Al, Pinako, Falman, Breda, Black Hayate…_

_Michele: Thank ya much_

_Chaos of Hearts: Here's Hughes. Hope it meets your expectations!_

_PinkStarz: I'll work on Winry's. Hm. It will definitely be interesting._

_No name: Hah! Shocked you into reviewing. Yes!_

_Phyco girl: Coming soon, lol._

_Velvet mace: Evil? Evil is fun._

_Bloody Cross: Well, there was a little Roy/Ed…_

_Harada Risa: Cracked up eh? Want some glue?_

_The Funky Bubbly Gurlz: Sorry, the sparkles just get everywhere. There really is no controlling them. _

_Spinning Avia: Yes! An all caps review!_

_Sasuke678: Perfect you say? Aw shucks…_

_Miko Sue: Consider me updated!_

_Flamebreak: continuing…_

_Regin of Dreams: Oh god, take the diary idea. Come on, you know you want to…_

_BrianaLFBH: Riza as Hiter…omg…_

_Raven: scary indeed! And you had a closet experience? Hope I didn't wake up any too bad memories…_

_Cheerlin: thanks!_

_Linwe Jaganshi: I do run on, but sometimes it works. Like when it's Maes talking about Elysia…_

_UberFlare: Chapter 3 eh? I like that one, too._

_WinryRockbell: But it's going to be so difficult to write Winry! Plus I might scar her when I make her find out about Pinako and Armstrong…_

_The Anonymous Cheespuff: Thank you! Parodies are my favorite types of fics._

_AkriaElric: I'm an Al/Winry fan meself, so except for the running Elricest joke (and it is only a joke, mind) you won't have to worry._

_Gohan Hugger: Thanks!_

_Okay, not that anyone's still reading, but that's the last time I get behind on reviews. You guys are so nice, but I think from now on I'll only reply to like, questions and suggestions and stuff. (Looks up at…two pages of reviews alone) Yeah…_


	9. Al's Diary

_A/N: I LIVE! Wow. Two weeks. I am sorry; school is kicking my butt. I know, excuses, excuses…_

_Disclaimer: Nope for FMA. And thanks to the Oxford American Desk Dictionary and Thesaurus for helping me keep Falman in character…_

_Warnings: Doesn't everyone know by now?_

* * *

Monday  
Dear Diary,

I was kind of glad when Major Armstrong showed up this morning. I mean, I realize Brother has to sleep, but it's kind of boring with nothing to do but watch him snore.

Still, I didn't want to have to deal with a cranky Edward all day, so I tried to stop Armstrong from waking him up. I really did, but the man just wouldn't be moved.

I told him it was impossible to pull Brother out of a deep sleep after a mission like the one we'd been on, but all he said was, "Never fear! I shall use the special wake-up-sleeping-like-a-log-adolescents technique that has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations!" He said he could personally attest to its effectiveness, but he hoped he wouldn't have to use some of the more advanced methods involving cold water and dead fish.

What?

Anyways, all he had to do was turn on the sparkles for a while and they got up Brother's nose so he sneezed and woke up.

Yeah, they got up through the slits in my helmet, too, and they're floating all around in my head. Too bad I can't sneeze. Not to mention some got stuck in my joints. He really needs to be more careful with those things; it's going to take me hours to get them all out.

Maybe I can convince Ed we need to go back to Auntie Pinako's and have Winry do it. It would be nice to see her, and she could get all those hard to reach places.

I really like it when Winry cleans my armor.

Funny how when I mentioned Pinako's place to Major Armstrong during our interview he got even _sparklier_, if that's at all humanly possible.

Somehow, I'm not sure the phrase "humanly possible" applies to the major.

But Major Armstrong's visit was otherwise very nice. He said he was instructed to check on the mental health of Eastern Headquarters at the Fuhrer's request. That was really considerate of him, I think.

Not that anything's really _wrong_ with Brother, but if the Major can get him to stop being so obsessive over his height and quit projecting his anxiety onto his relationship with the Colonel, I think things would be better all around.

Major Armstrong says there's really nothing wrong with me mentally, but he wants me to keep a diary anyway because everyone else has to and they'd get all jealous if they found out I was the only healthy one.

Sigh. I have to go get Brother to write the mission report.

Just once, I'd like to be the younger brother for real.

Alphonse Elric 

Tuesday  
Dear Diary,

Was spending another tedious morning watching Brother make weird noises and hug the pillows in his dreams (and did I hear him call out the Colonel's name? No, surely not) when I was interrupted by a message from the Colonel. He said he had a "special mission" for me.

It seems to have escaped his notice that I'm not in his army.

But I went anyway because it would have been rude not to, and if he can help Brother out once in a while, I guess I can do him a favor or two. Plus, I was ready for just about anything to alleviate the boredom.

But the magnetizing thing was a little much.

I probably would have agreed to it if he'd just _asked_ me. But no, the Colonel doesn't work that way.

He had Falman and Breda ambush me from behind the door.

Now, I probably could have handled myself if it was just Falman, even though he kicked my legs out from under me with no warning at all. I was about to retaliate when I realized it would be kind of bad for Brother and me if I harmed a member of the military.

Then I realized Brother outranks him.

So anyway, I had decided to fight back when Breda jumped on top of me and Falman grabbed my legs and the Colonel stepped on my left arm and it was all downhill from there. The ensuing scuffle made my chest plate fall off (dislodging some of the sparkles at least) and boy was Breda surprised to see the kitten go running across the room.

It was kind of funny how he screamed, "WHAT'S THAT?" and instead of pinning me to the floor in a chokehold switched to clinging to me like a baby and managed to kick the Colonel in the face in the process.

That was rather satisfying at the time.

Falman, of course, replied, "Feline; cat: small, soft-furred, four-legged domesticated animal…"

I didn't catch the rest of the definition since I realized at that moment that the Colonel had drawn some weird looking array on my armor. I was at a bad angle to see it, but I could tell it had something to do with polarization.

I quickly realized its purpose when his Alchemist's watch flew out of his pocket to hit me in the forehead. It didn't hurt but still…

Jeez, Master would kill me if she saw how much I sucked during this fight.

Momentarily disoriented by the attack and then the watch, I didn't even realize what was going on until Falman and the Colonel had rolled me halfway across the carpet (Breda had run off somewhere I guess). I found the sparkles that had so recently been knocked off replaced by pins.

What does the Colonel _do_ when he's avoiding paperwork?

Fury came in to find the kitten right around then (I swear he can hear an animal in distress from a mile away) and told the Colonel that Brother was going to have his head if he didn't demagnetize me and apologize.

I would have shot the Colonel an angry glare in agreement, but, well, no facial expression and all.

The Colonel just smirked and did that laugh thingy where he puts his hands on his hips and throws back his head and you think he's kind of evil…

Then he told me to, "Go tell your Brother that there's more where this came from if he doesn't get that mission report in post-haste."

Of course, I told Brother no such thing. He was mad enough when I came back and caused all the metal things in the dorm (including him) to come flying my way. Although, that's not really my fault, I guess.

It's a good thing I'm a giant suit of armor or the place where his metal arm connected with my body might have been damaged beyond repair.

And then Winry would have unloaded all her wrenches in his direction.

And Second Lieutenant Havoc didn't even _help_ when he came by the dorm to see what the heck was going on. And people keep giving Brother and me these weird _looks_.

Did I miss something?

Sometimes it's really hard to be me.

Alphonse Elric

Wednesday  
Dear Diary,

I think Brother might be kind of into the Colonel.

First of all, his doodles on his mission report were all of the Colonel dying in various and gruesome ways. At least, I think they were of the Colonel. It's hard to capture the true likeness of a person with stick figures. But they were all surrounded by flames and had what looked like a manic smirk on their faces.

I realize that this implies hatred, but no one's that obsessed with another person unless there's something else going on.

And then he came back from his meeting about the mission report blushing and re-braiding his hair. When I asked him how his hair happened to come undone in what was supposed to be a pretty tame meeting, he just blushed even worse and mumbled something about "the bastard Colonel" and "physical harassment" and "strategy."

Then Maes of all people called and asked me all these leading questions about my experience with being magnetized yesterday.

Does _anything _happen that he doesn't know about?

I tried to tell him it was all the Colonel's fault, but he wouldn't listen and said that Elysia was very young and impressionable and he didn't want anything questionable going on around her.

What does that have to do with anything?

Then he asked me if I thought she was pretty, and I said, "Well, she's three years old…" and he started talking about buying enough chocolate to feed an army and somehow it was all gone and I don't think he was really listening.

I had kind of tuned him out and was daydreaming about Winry and that Valentine's Day when we were kids and I transmuted her a toolbox made of chocolate and she liked it a lot more than Brother's heart shaped, gooey thing, but I was pulled back into the conversation when Maes started talking again about yesterday and how he had thought that Brother was into Roy and what did we think we were doing while Havoc was watching anyway?

Sigh. No one listens to me.

But Maes thinks Brother is into the Colonel, too? Hm.

Alphonse Elric 

Thursday  
Dear Diary,

Am I the only one who's noticed that Envy's been sneaking around HQ lately?

The military's finest, eh?

I thought about telling the Colonel, but I'm kind of scared to go into his office now. Hawkeye's too good with that gun to make me want to tell her anything unpleasant (she has this tendency to take things out on the bearer of bad news), I can't find Havoc or Fury _anywhere_, Falman and Breda are too busy doing everyone else's paperwork to breathe, and I'm not even going to try Armstrong because I somehow feel he is responsible for this chaos. No one acknowledged any of their feelings before these diaries and everyone was fine. I can't even go to Brother; he's transmuted the library door to lock from the inside.

I realize I could just transmute the door myself, but I figure if he's so bent on ignoring me, I'll leave him alone.

So I was planning to just take care of this myself. I mean, I'm an alchemist, too, and I am better than Brother in hand-to-hand combat when it gets right down to it.

So I followed Envy back to his hideout.

In hindsight, this was probably a bad idea, as I was immediately discovered (it's really hard to be inconspicuous when you're my size) and was ambushed by no less than four sins.

Envy just laughed and said thanks for making myself absent from HQ so he could steal my identity and stop having to slink from shadow to shadow to stay hidden.

Does this mean Brother isn't going to know to come rescue me?

Alphonse Elric

Friday  
Dear Diary, 

And I thought everyone at HQ was insane. They don't hold a candle to these guys.

First of all, I got dragged into a game of strip poker with Lust, Gluttony, and Greed. Envy apparently hates them all and has gone off to play games at Headquarters.

I tried to explain the very obvious reasons why I can't play strip poker (beside the fact that I'm too young and innocent to know what it is, which they didn't believe) but Lust just kept talking about how she "loves a man in armor" and Gluttony kept eating the cards anyway so we didn't get very far.

They kind of weird me out.

Greed, though, he's not bad. At least talking to him gives me an excuse to get away from the others. He just wants to have a good time and doesn't seem so preoccupied with the Stone and stuff. He says he really has nothing against me and Brother; he just wants to figure out human transmutation so he can get an immortal body like mine.

Well if he wants it, he can have it, as long as I get my body back first.

He was out of there like lightning when Lust said she wanted some "alone time" with some blond-haired body builder she'd picked up somewhere, though. I decided to take the opportunity to leave.

I hate being ignored. Even when I'm a prisoner I'm ignored!

I was disconsolately wandering around some park trying to remember what ice cream tastes like when I saw WINRY!

Suddenly my day got much better.

When I asked her what brought her to Eastern, she said she had a letter and cookies to deliver to Major Armstrong from her grandmother.

Eh?

I feel that I'm missing something here.

I also feel that I'd like to continue missing it.

Things at HQ had completely degenerated into anarchy by the time we got there. Apparently no one noticed there were two Alphonse Elrics wandering around. Even Envy pretending to be me didn't notice.

We couldn't find Armstrong, so we left the stuff on the desk they give him when he comes out from Central and went back to the dorm to wait for Brother.

Winry said she'd finally get those sparkles out of my armor while we're waiting.

I feel loved. I hope Brother takes a long time in the library. I get the feeling this is going to be a long weekend.

Alphonse Elric 

FIN

* * *

_Pbluver: To answer your and everyone else's question about whether I'll be doing a second week, that's gonna have to be a negative. There's too much else I want to write. I will do a weekend edition to wrap up all the loose ends, though, and maybe try to go somewhere with the Roy/Ed thing. I'll just post it here; there won't be a separate story or anything. I still have some other people to do for this week, though, so we're not near the end by any means._

_Gerbil X: I wish I had seen that far. I'd write you something about those two…although I did just get the subbed series, but I can't watch it because it's at home, and I'm at school, and…oh that's so frustrating…_

_DragonDreamer05: Yeah! Glad you decided to get an account._

_No name: Here ya go! I made Al a little OOC, but come on, he may be nice about it, but he's gotta get annoyed sometime!_

_Fightingcomet: Please don't kill me! It's not my fault I get assigned all these papers that want real information and thought instead of random ramblings about anime characters I don't own…_

_Uber Flare: Rambling is good; it turns into fics like these and pairings like Armstrong/Pinako…I can't believe I wrote that…_

_Linwe Jaganshi: Yeah, that part about Ed and Al keeps coming back without my noticing it. It's just so funny when people misinterpret things…_

_Lilnitenurse: Be disappointed no more!_

_Cassandra: You may be a reincarnation of Maes Hughes. Please look into that._

_DuAlity: Oh jeez, more sparkles. Haha, this is prose? I think that's giving it a lot of credit…but I agree on the idea that playing off of people's different perceptions of the same events is funny. Thanks._

_Kori hime: I think we were all Elysia at some point in our lives. Our poor parents…_

_Anime Monster: Thank the powers that be that the camera would break and we will never be subjected to such pictures…_

_Chaos of Hearts: Schieska would be fun…_

_Dominus: That was such a cool review. And who wouldn't vote for Maes? And I think I added a little more pervertedness here, too. When will it end?_


End file.
